To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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