Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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