why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
