At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
