That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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