Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
