i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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