Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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