Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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