My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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