Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
