This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
