When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize