My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
