dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
