a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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