drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
