Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
