We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
birth control should be required to get into college
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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