Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize