Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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