So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
