Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
