I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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