Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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