My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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