I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize