I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
