God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
