She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
