I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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