well I can't set my house on fire every night
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
