My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
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