theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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