My balls are so social today.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
