Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
We are two peas in an std pod
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
