yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
