so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
