Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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