either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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