well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
