are you so shy because you have an std?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
