So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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