The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Randomize
