i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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