I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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