It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize