I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
