I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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