Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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