i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
