Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
