I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
