Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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