haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i drank out of a bidet.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
