I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
