You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
