Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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