I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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