I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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