We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
