Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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