it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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