I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
