She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
