I should be sponsored by Trojan
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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