I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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