I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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