Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
