i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Randomize
