end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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