i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
