Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
