i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
