Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
