1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
