It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
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