all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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