There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
worst night to have a conscience
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
