I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
