You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
