Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
