I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
