we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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